The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
