I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
