my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
