I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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