Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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