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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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