so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
