the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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