if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
