You can't motorboat a personality
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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