No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
