She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
And then my night got REAL pukey
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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