i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
