just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize