im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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