Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
