1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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