Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
