Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
