why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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