Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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