I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
