I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
