Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
