we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
