weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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