we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
