All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
