I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
