Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
