Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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