I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
