dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize