Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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