:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
