2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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