I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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