I wish i was in the wii world.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
