I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
one two three fourrrrnication!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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