Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
