rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
