the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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