My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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