covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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