So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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