FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
