I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
