First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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