Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
