Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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