He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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