hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
