why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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