I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Randomize
