I smell stomach acid.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize