I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
