At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize