She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
